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Me.....being grateful for every thing, every breath, every day of this life

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Indulging My Inner Adult

So I just finished reading two really good blogs, so I decided tonight to....blog. But wait! Don't leave! This one is not a boring, life-transforming, healing, profound brain things experience of mine...not even about typical things like weight loss or health food or Yoga....well, maybe a little Yoga shall be thrown in here. But nope, tonight I just write.

When I started this blog, I was a lonely, stay-at-home Mom who was pouting in her fancy new role as "military wife" (still don't feel 100% cumfy with that title as of yet...but I am slowly embracing it girls, ....yes, that's you my military wifey friends) and living far away from her chosen city. I loved living in Savannah, GA. It was the town I left and moved back to 3 times, I think? Maybe 4. It was ridiculous. Savannah was, to me, a city like an old boyfriend I could not stop drunk dialing after a night on the town with the single ladies....going on all night about glorious independence, supporting ones self, who needs men anyways and then as soon as I hit my bed, I grab the phone and call and text and blah blah blah. Savannah was my guilty pleasure and I indulged. I partied hard. I played hard. I beached hard. I loved hard. I worked hard, real hard. I sang loud in my sports car, with my windows down. I loved the sun. I loved the rain. I loved the beach. I loved the bars. I loved the galleries. I loved the coffee shops. I loved the soul food. I loved the Yoga studios. I loved my tiny, Whitemarsh Island home which was 12 miles to the beach, 10 minutes to the hoppin' downtown. I loved the river, the tourists and even the bums played music just for me. I felt part of a community. I felt unhealthy, yes. But my happiness was so great in this mystical place, that my bad habits seemed like no big deal and my body and mind were joyous most of the time. Enter in......Army life. Blhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh. Thanks, husband! Off we go to Disgusta, Georgia where if you don't watch the Masters golf tournament, then you have absolutely NO reason to ever care that this dirt bag city ever existed on a map. I got food poisoning from the Wild Wings there, which consequently is the most interesting restaurant Augusta has. Well, not really. I am being dramatic. Shit, Tiger has to have a better place to eat when he comes in once a year, so I know there are some things Augusta offers, but let me tell you, it ain't much. I did find a health food store that trumped any store, from any town I have ever lived in (which are many at this point)so I DID find positives, but I missed my family, friends and town soooooo much. And so I started my blog to keep in touch with my long away folks.

And the blog has come a long way!! And so have I.

The blogs I read tonight, are of my awesome friend Rachel's http://bloggrasslc.blogspot.com/ who happens to be HILARIOUS and I highly recommend you stop by any time you feel you need a pick me up. She is a Mom with a tude who is as funny as all get out. We all need a Rachel-friend in our lives to keep things mellow, fun and colorful. And her blog led me to another blog, dooce.com, which I had never heard of before but apparently the writer is rather famous (I tend to lean toward Rachel's blog, but you decide for yourself). The famous blogg-her spoke about how she started her blog and how far she has come, which made me marvel about my blog and what winding road I have come down.

It has been a year since I moved to Okinawa, and I have a totally awesome blog coming about all the amazing Japanese things I have learned (coming soon) including, how nail art is NOT trashy....over here :) I feel like I have grown about ten years in the last one. I have been coddling my inner child for about 9 months now. I went on a health kick in January saying no to this unhealthy thing and yes to that tasteless thing, doing more meditation and reading a TON. Life is at this very second.....sweet! I disclose with no embarrassment that my husband and I have been seeing a marriage counselor and I do not feel like I am breaching any therapist secrets when I say, it really was just to gain tools to make life easier with two ornery, bull-headed adults who play house together. We are doing great. I personally think every single couple in the world should have mandatory marriage counseling. Maybe the divorce rate would be lower? And thank you Uncle Sam (and American tax payers), our therapy is totally free. A big Army bonus is you don't have to pay a THING.....it is nice, but for all you libs out there....socialized living 'aint all it's cracked up to be. The health care is a total crap shoot (you literally NEVER know what you are going to get and you literally NEVER get to choose your own MDs) and I don't get to choose what my house looks like...this is a problem for me, but I deal, cuz it's free. That's right, no utility bills, no Doctor bills, no home maintenance fees, no paying for paint for my house's walls, no yard work, no nothing. Free. Choice? None. Fancy? NOPE! Never paying a bill.....ever? Yes please and thank you. OK, the Army is not sooooooo bad. Where was I? Oh yea, counseling. So I took the Army up on this one perk. And it was like the therapist didn't even have to BE AS AMAZING AS SHE WAS (literally I could NOT have created a cooler woman if I had the clay to sculpt her, I loved her), no, all she had to do was sit there. Just walking in the door and sitting down and knowing that we love one another so much that we are willing to sit with one another and listen to guidance, words, emotions, opinions, feeling open minds and warmth...it made our daily life like music. We think more about the other before ourselves now, which is a LOVELY way to co-exist. And it has been really nice to feel that reconnection that tends to get lost within screaming-child-puke-nights-temper-tantrums-in-public-who-is-going-to-potty-train-diapers-puke-poop-screaming....you get the gist. Parenthood.

But it has been parenthood, itself, that has led me to my higher self. BECAUSE of my daughter, I have wanted to clean up my health and wellness and BE someone she might want to somewhat emulate. It is because of my daughter that my husband joined the military. It is because of parenthood that my marriage has been so strong. So for me, I do NOT complain one bit about parenthood. Yes, it is frickin' hard. YES, I need a vacation more than North Korea needs a new government. But...I have found myself within this screwed up marriage and within that baby girl's scream fits.

She taught me how I don't want to parent. She taught me to look at myself, take a goooood, hard look at myself and lose weight (the right way), take care of myself, deal with my anger, deal with my fears, MAKE my career work and money problems vanish....all because of her. And my marriage followed suit. Because of my daughter and my marriage, I have been improving my entire self.

I read now....too many books! (I barely ever used to read, I'd rather grab a beer and watch reality TV or a dumb movie.) I never cared about finding the source of my anger, temper, fear, self doubt, the list goes on....until I saw it effecting my marriage, relationships and body. I am currently reading a book called The Women Who Run With The Wolves, The Gate to Women's Country and Women Food and God.....I just realized that all of these have the word "women" in the titles. Wow. Go girl power. Didn't realize that was a part of my life right now, lady-power, hoo-ah! Is it that where this power is coming from, my woman-hood-ness? Is it turning 31? Art has been flying out of my hands. Meditations have been my only motivation lately. Teachers and business-growth opportunities have been jumping out of the woodwork. Gratitude journal every night. Bliss in every day. Love expanding with my developing child. Amazement taking over my vibrating mind.

I am practicing Kundalini Yoga again for the first time since about 2003 and THAT was long, long, long over due. It is not for everyone, any time....it is for the serious student who seeks a much, much higher consciousness and experience with their Yoga practice and body. I thought to myself today while practicing, this is the first time I am content with NOT jumping to go teach something that touches me deeply...this I just want to sit with quietly for a while.

My 3 year old is potty trained!!!!!!!!!!!! That took FOREVERRRRRRRRRRRRRR. Why does no one tell me the way????? I just had to follow my gut and get a little pushy with her. But now....we go to the store and tell each other how proud we are of one another for peeing in the public potty and NOT having an accident in the shopping cart or on the restaurant chair (yes, Mirabelle goes and then I pee after her and the whole time I am peeing she says "Mommy, I am so proud of you, good job!!!!" it makes the person in the stall next to me laugh each and every time).

I am preparing for my first, ever art show. I am more than thrilled. I am working so hard on this, I have no time to eat my nightly ice cream sundae or drink my far-too-occasional wine. And so I indulge myself when I have a project almost done, deserve a treat and it feels so much more balanced this way!

I have nothing in common with anyone who I live near here or have gotten to be friends with....and that is cool. I am loving meeting new people and learning THEIR way of thinking and doing. I am constantly trying to be a better listener. I am constantly trying to be a better Mom. I am constantly learning about business and how to grow my own, for my family. I am constantly reading, reading, reading. I am in love with the Internet and all of it's amazing abilities.

I am drowning in gratitude and have SUCH wonderful teachers helping me right now. I am so excited about what tomorrow will bring. I am taking a break from my 40 day meditation thingy...I needed it. My inner child can wait...that gawky, messed up girl, will always be in there...I can love on her some more after I am done feeling so drunk-happy from all the work I have so far done....and the way it has paid off. OK, so maybe this did turn into a bit of a boring, self-help, fluff, blahg...but I don't care. It is the brain drain I wanted to share this night with alla y'all.

More to come....as always....and people, don't be so serious all the time that you forget to stop and enjoy your goodness, for goodness sake...Becca/Peace OUT.