Disgruntled Me

It is ok. That is what I am telling myself. My 40 day meditation journey just passed the week 1 mark. I am doing my own thing here, so I have no teacher directing me or telling me what to expect. But I have to believe the junk that I am feeling now must be normal for this kind of inner work.

I have had some discomforts and major sadness creep up on me, and I cannot even tell the source, it is just taking me over. But I am ok with it. I really do feel in my gut that it is junk from my past that I never dealt with, or ignored, or just the years of abuse to my body while ignoring ultimate health all coming up and (fingers crossed) moving on out.

I am sticking with it, but cannot believe I still have 32 more days of sitting through this information overload of a journey called "Inner Game." I loved it at first, not sure I fully feel the impact just yet. But I did commit myself to this experiment. I hope fruits of my meditations will peek through the darkness and discomfort. More to come.

If you are interested in learning more about Devon White's "Inner Game," they have changed the information site and download space, you can find it all here, it is VERY interesting to say the least:

Free download:
http://gogratitude.org/innergame

Devon's new site:
http://reality-bender.com

Peace and clarity y'all, more to come!

Adventure To Bliss

A month or two ago, I joined a group where we committed to do an anger-releasing meditation every day for 40 days. Some say 30, some say 40 and some say 60 days are the appropriate amount of days to do something, anything in a row in order to completely change a habit or transform the body in some way that is lasting. I like the 40 number. It is longer than a month, shorter than two months and seems like a bit of a challenge for me, but not too big. So what happened with the anger? I could not commit to the daily practice. I have no idea why. Maybe due to my anger-related issues that lie very deep within? Haha. It was quite an active meditation, Kundalini Yoga, in style. While I have loved and adored what Kundalinini I have practiced in my life, I just know that right now I needed something more restful. So I left that practice on my virtual shelf and shall return to it at a later date, dust it off and try again. I have been advised lately to do a lot of breath work and sitting still. So I have listened to my advice from multiple sources.

So there is this auditory meditation-download-thing I was notified about recently. About 2-3 months ago I received an e-mail from a group I joined years ago called the Go-Gratitude Experiment. It was a free, non-harassing regular e-mail I received about enlightening gratitude into your daily life. It is quite a lovely group. And rarely, but sometimes the group will promote an artist or jewelry maker at the end of their e-mails and with no offense to anyone's taste, I simply never followed the links provided. I felt I barely had the time to read my gratitude e-mails! So this one day they were promoting an "Audio Technology" promising if you listen to the download it can help you to easily and quickly:
"Awaken Your Inner Genious
Tap Into an Inexhaustible Supply of Energy
Reset to Your Authentic Power Source
Accelerate Your Conscious Awareness
Revive Your Body's Cells and Senses
Forge a Deep Connection with Self and Others
Release Your Inspiration and Passion
Realize a Profound Sense of Purpose
Be at Your Natural Best at All Times
Activate the "Flow" State Regularly and At Will"

Sounds too good to be true? Well, they offered a free version of the download here:

http://www.gogratitude.org/devon/

And so I downloaded. You can choose to donate what you want. And since one thing I am in the process of manifesting is financial abundance, I opted for the free choice, of course fully intending on going back later to donate the suggested retail amount of around $200.00, if I felt it was worth it. And so I explored. I listed to this 72 minute auditory roller coaster for the first time the next day and I loved it! I experienced a deeper meditation than I had in quite some time, many moons, and for that, I was deeply grateful for the gratitude group for telling me about this! I even let my non-meditating husband listen to it one night simply because all you have to do is put head phones on and relax in a comfortable seat. Truly anyone can do it. He liked it too! Great. Yay. But nothing major happened in my life. Yet.

So as the creator, Devon White, suggests, I listened to it more often. Maybe once a week or so. And over the past few months I would say I have listened to it 5 or 6 times. I mean, who has 72 minutes on a regular basis with a 2 year old and a business to run? But then this past weekend happened. And everything changed.

Rewind to my life toward the end of college, I was placed in an emergency room at least 2-3 times and sent to endless specialists for stomach and pains I had gotten that would throw me doubled over on the floor, unable to walk, unable to talk and screaming in tears. I had tests, I had question-ares, I had weekly poop samples taken(NOT fun), I had an arsenal of medications given to me, this one for pain, this one for the nausea the pain one created, this one for the sleepiness that the nausea one causes so you can get to work still, this, that, carted all over town to different Docs, blah, blah, blah. And no one could tell me what was wrong with my poor belly. Symptoms came and went. Perfectly fine one month, doubled over in pain the next, 6 months straight no pain, then bam it would slam back into me. And then I got my whits about me and realized, no one has ever asked me about my stress levels? Hmmmm. And with that realization, I went to go see a massage therapist (which I was always told was a luxury, not to do other than on special occasions), the best one in the city. Though, at the time I didn't have the $90.00 per session she charged, I still went in for the longest, deepest, healing-est treatment she could deliver and told her my issue and worried about rent later. I realized when I worried most about money, what happens after graduation, my boyfriend, etc. is when my stomach pain would flare up. She told me to put my problems on the shelf outside the massage room door and let her do her work and try to relax. She did a combination of a massage and Reiki treatment with some beautiful stones and high quality, light scented, incense billowing around the ceiling. I walked in that room feeling almost unable to talk with pain and tears streaming. I walked out of the room feeling like I was just given a brand new body, a head that felt gloriously empty and clear and felt as light as a pillow of whipped cream.

Later, I had realized that with self-Reiki work plus some closed eyes and deep breathing, these stomach pains could be controlled by me, myself and I. Also, having a regular Yoga practice and occasional massage or body work kept them away completely for years. After talking with a naturopathic Doctor at one point, I was made sure what I have is the early stages of a very serious ulcer problem. I would hate to feel the later stages because those pain spasms I felt were worse than the labor pains before giving birth. And to my crazy surprise, these pains after about 8-9 years of them being completely out of sight, out of mind, out of my body, came back to me with a vengeance this past weekend.

So I thought, my Yoga practice has been pathetic lately (there are no studios around my current Okinawan home)....I really only like to practice in a professional studio, I am a Yoga snob I fully admit it, I am crappy at my solitary, at-home practice.....I have not been bad to my body lately, but.....I have not been REALLY good to it, either. So surprised at my belly aching return, I decided to meditate. THAT I can do every day, schedule a time, not just do it here and there. So, I ran to Devon White's meditation I downloaded called "Installing Inner Game." You can read more about this download here on his blog:

http://blog.installinginnergame.com/

What I did this first day (yesterday) with my listening journey, was to not TRY to meditate. The first handful of times, I used this download as a guided meditation, which it very well may be classified as, but I had listened a bit and then really sort of tuned it out and just sat within my own peace, my own meditation, my own thoughts of not thinking and let the words that were spoken go into my ear, but I didn't really pay much attention. But this time, instead, I stayed alert, I listened carefully to the long, winding, information over-load, with it's abstract and very interesting music and dialog. What happened this recent time was a natural alpha state for me. A meditation simply emerged. I was not trying to meditate and the gorgeous meditation just came to me-not me to it, but it was one where I was fully aware the entire time. Yet, I felt I was in an out of body space, shedding past garbage from this life and possibly from many lives before. 'Bad' stuff came up out of my subconscious -statements and feelings like; I hate you and I hate myself, rage and anger, but I did not cling on to it, it did not freak me out, I KNEW for sure and with no doubt these feelings were not there or coming up to bring me down but they were actually leaving me, I saw them as they were on their way out. Leaving me was my pain from childhood bullies, past relationships and heart breaks, hurt, ache, self loathing, negativity stacked up from a lifetime....... gone. I felt like the whipped cream once again, right afterward.

And what this installation is to do for us, is to bring our brain, our body's very cellular makeup to a place where we feel like this amazing whipped cream ALL THE TIME. No feeling like bliss only at the Yoga studio or right after a great massage or long vacation at the spa, no. ALL. THE. TIME. And I got it. I finally listened. I, for once in my life, did not try to do something half-assed. None of this: having an interest in a guided meditation and then go listen to it without really listening, try without really trying, do without REALLY doing. Nope. This time, I actively tuned in and took part. I made an effort, but it was easy. I lightly put the pieces together and they made sense. And I feel like a million bucks all while my tummy junk is floating away, away into the sky and dissolving into beautiful wind that empties itself into the vast ocean only to flow back as a wave and healing source for us all.

And so I left my meditation, after the 7th or so time of listening to it, and I actually took it with me, the peace, the confidence, the love. It stayed with me. I was more patient with my daughter and I was more open to the crazy-idiot ways of my husband (just kidding, ....well not really, he can be an idiot ;). And that was just day one! I felt the after effects starting to fade this morning (but only after an AMAZING night of rest that I so needed and deserved).

I just finished day 2 of my meditation journey and I am eager to see what happens over my next 24 hours and 38 days. More to come, angels. Stay tuned! And join me on my adventure to bliss, won't you?

Love, Becca

DONATE to good causes, it makes life so rich and yummy!

I just wanted to share my two favorite causes to donate to.

I like to focus on giving to the causes that promote well being and advancing humanity brightly toward the future.

If you feel so compelled, add these to your tithing list, and if not these, let this blog entry be a reminder to how GOOD it is to donate.

Tithing expands love in your heart and brings money back to YOU. But it is not just about the good feeling of giving, or the money. This is about spreading the knowledge of great service.

My favorite group to donate to is called Living Yoga started by Sarahjoy Marsh.



http://www.living-yoga.org/

"Living Yoga is a non-profit outreach program teaching yoga as a tool for personal change in prisons, drug and alcohol rehabilitation centers, transitional facilities, and to populations who would otherwise not have access to it."
AMAZING in a word. Go peace.

And this new foundation added to my list is called the Pens and Paper for Peace, the Matthew Freeman Project.



http://www.freemanproject.org/

There is so much to say regarding this one. I cannot even begin. There is tons of love wrapped around passing this particular message on. To put it simply, my husband had a friend from high school who was shot and killed in Afghanistan. Before he died, this was his message to his Mom to start a donation project:
"...the kids would rather have pens and paper than food and water."
Please visit the web page and learn the simple details of promoting peace through education for the future in the middle east and within our world of tomorrow.

Love, Peace, Donate
Rebecca

My Show, Humanity's Show

"The sweetest Thai girl" ~photo by/from, Kim Terry

So, the idea to place an audition video to have my own show on Oprah's web site for her new network called OWN (Oprah Winfrey Network), really started out as a joke in my mind! How many times have you seen a television show where they ask you to publicly share or enter your information or your SELF in one way or another? And of course each time, you just hit the next channel on the remote control. Well for some reason this video of me was recorded and placed on that web site. I felt a drive, a pull. In my video audition, I really just blabbed about what came to my head and what I am currently excited about while serving the world and humanity and I hit the record button. Though, I DO feel I can make a positive and dramatic difference in this world, would anybody ever really listen, is this audition good enough? And after many days of my video being posted on the O.W.N. audition web site, I have not re-viewed it. So I watched it again today. And though, I am constantly excited about all the many ways I want to help the world, I realized in my video, I really just seemed to speak about myself, my interests and how I think other people would agree/could benefit from the things that I have found healing and fascinating. So I am taking this blog to go more in-depth and explain a bit more about my vision in regards to OTHER people's benefit.

Votes are slowly rolling in for my video! And while I do not have 8 million votes like some other auditions on the web site, I still do feel as though I may have a shot at at least being interviewed or probed about my idea. So the silliness has dropped away from my imagination. Now, more than ever, I would LOVE a shot at this endeavor!

My idea for a show, is not much different than my idea for my life. I want to serve and help Unify the world, or humanity to see ourselves as one single race.

I plan to take the travels I already go on and expand on these. I want to learn about, bring, teach and spread peace everywhere I go. I want to talk with others who do the same and swell this mission. I want to meet different cultures and educate folks about other types of people who they might not otherwise ever have learned about. Unity is the goal here. I have learned that people are yes, very different from place to place. For example, just today I saw an old, huge, beat up Okinawan dump truck driving down the highway with (drumroll)....dainty black lace curtains in the side windows of the vehicle. This confused me. You do not see this odd frill and delicate feature on the garbage trucks of the United States! They are different here in many ways and not just with their automobile curtains. I want to know more about the Japanese. And aside from the rather misplaced black, lace curtains, when you go deeper and learn about people or cultures, you find so many surprising similarities within humanity. We are all the same. We all wake up in the morning and scratch our butts and stretch our toes from solemn monks on a mountain top temple, to scrappy kids running through a third world slum. When we learn about one another in detail, we find our Unity. I plan to take this idea further. Everywhere I go in my life, I want to learn about what WORKS for people. How did you find your health, your cure, your peace, your fortune, your religion, your happiness, your connection or calm within your feuding family or politics, your balance? When I learn what works for people, I will pass it along. Either through this blog, my Yoga classes, Reiki sessions, my artwork or through my very own talk show on Oprah's new network!

I am eager to showcase historical shrines around the world, ashrams, peace parks, meditation gardens and places of earthly majesty. I like to spread anything positive or peaceful. I love history. History explains in detail why we are where we are this day. But more, I love to place an enlightened spin on where we are headed, as the human race. Contrary to popular belief, I think we are going in an amazing direction. I see a revolution coming. I see adventure, peace, beauty, rising awareness, expanding consciousness and this is what I plan to document.

Whether on this blog, or with Oprah's network by my side, I am eager to interview forward thinking medical practitioners, wellness centers and hospitals, women who have had progressive child birthing, people who have had amazing healing of cancers or dis-eases, studies in genealogy, documenting the law of attraction in action, companies large and small who have ground breaking GREEN technology, artists who think outside of the box, healers who work with new and ancient ideas and finally people who know about how to teach us things like feng shui, nutrition, meditation or Yoga, ways to help us all make our lives more balanced or just a little better without spending a dime-things we can start to change about our lives today for the very BEST.

I am interested in promoting the good, the positive, the facts. We are living in a society that seems to dwell on the negative, the train wrecks of the news. As they say in The Secret, it is important to be informed, sure, but not INUNDATED. However, I intend to share and inundate people with the positive, the magic, the love, the miracle that is this life....in one format or many! Why, less than 8 months ago I started a facebook group called: "Artists, Writers and Creative Thinkers" to help promote and network all of my very, very talented artist, writer and musician friends. This group flew up to over 400 members world wide in this short time, with almost zero promotion:
http://www.facebook.com/#!/group.php?gid=120122024765&ref=ts
This shows me how hungry people are for honest beauty and aesthetics, just feeling good! ~...feeling creative and I love the root word to that one, create. Anyone can be creative if they just let themselves. Join me, wont you? Let us believe in Divine beauty and celebrate it together.

If you wish to vote one time or ten for my future OWN show, see the link below and I deeply thank you for voting, for reading, for spending your time on this blog page and with me. I am humbled by the readers. I love each of you!!! Know that.

Peace to you,

Praise and blessings to you,

Rebecca

http://myown.oprah.com/audition/index.html?request=video_details&response_id=1214&promo_id=1

Shouting From the Highest Mountain I Have (my blog), I Love My Husband!

Just after our second anniversary, I feel better than ever about marriage. I think, in this day and age, we need a slightly new, or revised if you will, definition of what marriage is.

Can any two people be placed in the exact same point on the line of human evolution?

Can any two people be placed in the exact same point in their own, personal evolutions?

Can any two people be perfect partners, almost as one body and mind, with the same exact goals, being productive team members to society?

I really think not. I say "no" to all three of the questions above. It is impossible. There is no possible way 2 creatures can have the same, exact karmic journey at the same exact time, or purpose on this earth, in my opinion. So what does a good couple make? That question fumbled my groove in the past and along my path more than once! I think there always is a masculine energy and feminine influence within each person, each couple, each decision, each agreement and within each thought we have. And in the couple realm, is the balance always going to be there? For some, yes. For others, not so much, sometimes, or hardly ever.

What brings us, as romantic couples, together? What makes us LAST? What gives us the spark to keep trying and trying throughout generations? What gives people the motivation to continually be grateful for their partner and to treat them fairly at least, if not completely like a treasure?

I am not sure what it might be for others and I am quite sure it is different for everyone. But I will tell you what it is with me and my feelings for my husband;

A gut instinct that keeps me fighting for him and supporting him and our union. Nothing more, nothing less. There is a huge GUT instinctual feeling that I feel always present that says: "I am supposed to support him, help him, love him, laugh with him, talk to him and be near him for always." There is no other reason.

Against all odds we found one another. Against all odds we stayed together! And there are no words to explain that little piece of gut instinct intuition that keeps me trying, trying, trying and never (fully) giving up.

I will be honest, when times got hard, I have worked on this marriage because of our daughter alone, forget me or him!!! Even though I know children are NOT a good soul reason to stay together. And even when I have considered leaving through hardships, regardless of my daughter's amazing love for her Daddy, I have always stayed and pushed on to try for "forever," for "us."

Right now, no matter what happens with arguments or disagreements on BIG issues like jobs, location, future, money, babies...oh all the good stuff, I know now for sure; I would never leave this man. I would never hurt this man. I would never cheat this man. I would never manipulate this man. I would never lie to this man. I would never walk away from this man. I would never speak poorly about this man. I would never abandon this man. I would never harm this man. I would never insult this man. I would never leave this man. There is something bigger than me that keeps me with him, more than vows. There is something smarter than me that makes me try for him. There is something stronger than me that makes me work hard for him. There is something tougher than me that makes me know like I know like I know, he is my partner and I will be by his side and we will be great together, fight for one another and for ourselves and for peace in this world.

He is US soldier. The security he has provided his family is enormous. The security he has provided his country is selfless, brave and overflowing with honor. I have only recently completely absorbed what it means to be a military wife. It came as a slow learning curve to know what it means to be an officer's wife. I do not like to be told what to do and how to feel, I like to learn it for myself in my own way. And I now wear that label proud, "officer's wife." No, he is not in Afghanistan, not actively fighting in a war currently. But he is doing a job that most could not. He wakes before 95% of the people in the world wake. He is never "off duty." He follows every rule to the perfect point. He is solid. He is punctual. He is a phenomenal father. He is serious. He is intelligent. He is artistic. He is funny. He is my man.

We find our balance between the most opposite nature of us, this Yogini and military man duo. I look forward to many more years of learning and building together.

I love you, babe.

Cast A Vote!!!

Please vote here, it only takes a second:

http://myown.oprah.com/audition/index.html?request=video_details&response_id=1214&promo_id=1

My goal is to reach the audience of the world. Topics? Natural parenting, Yoga, Fitness, Travel, Food, Organics, Recylcling/Re-Using, Reiki, Nutrition, Meditation, Health, Wellness, Living Abundantly, Education, Art, Feng Shui, Decorating Your Sacred Space, Reaching out to those otherwise would never have been touched by magic and just loving life and expanding on that!!!! Wanna join me? Vote here!

http://myown.oprah.com/audition/index.html?request=video_details&response_id=1214&promo_id=1

Love, Peace and Zennnnnnnnnnnnnnn

Becca!

The Way To Perfect Healing

I am writing this with the title "The Way To Perfect Healing" rather than 'The Way To Perfect Health,' which was my first thought of a title. I realized while picking a title, we should not focus on the destination and I should not be so pompous as to say "I am teaching everybody everything that I KNOW for sure" as some sort of perceived master or something. Rather, we should focus on the beautiful process. We should not focus on the ideal, but the ideal way of being. Healing, in stead of Health. Being, going through life, how we will gently work through, instead of "BE" and end result or "goal." I am not discussing enlightenment here, or perfect wellness. I am discussing the path to peace, to wellness or perhaps the path to enlightenment. We ALL have things to work through. Let us feel joyful and in good company that we ALL have things to work on.

I am located, by the huge force of the Universe, in Okinawa, Japan. Hysterically, to me, my sister loaned me a book some many years ago, I would say oh 5-6 years ago (which I have yet to give back), entitled The Okinawa Program-HOW THE WORLD'S LONGEST-LIVED PEOPLE ACHIEVE EVERLASTING HEALTH-AND HOW YOU CAN TOO (based on the LANDMARK 25 year study). I have loved this book, taken very good care of it, picked a career based on its ideals. Ummmm, odd that I am now living here by no choice of my own, no? We are placed, us two art students my husband and I, now considered active duty military, on the remote island in the Pacific of Okinawa, Japan. Not only have I loved this book and its huge health and wellness theory, but I have for also about 6-7 years studied a form of Japanese energy healing massage therapy called Reiki. I have adored this culture and studied it for years and then I end up here, out of all the Army bases in the world and completely out of my hands. We were placed here. It was a weird station assignment for my husband's particular career. I am learning each and every day how this station and placement of little old me within the world, is really and truly kismet. More centenarians (people who live to be at least 100 years of age) live here than any other place in the world. Many think it is due to their diet alone. But when studying my Okinawa Program book, we see that yes, they have fabulous diet programs but that also it is much, much more than that. I am on this beautiful and educational journey now, with out much effort on my part, I should say! The journey to learning the life of perfect healing.

I have always been into health and wellness. I have come and gone from the healing arts throughout the last 12 years. I dove into Yoga, meditation and different holistic and naturopathic therapies here and there. But, since moving to Okinawa, I have not really tried hard to dive into the wellness realm. I have actually, surprisingly, not looked at my Okinawa Program book at all or tried to research any of that stuff here since we moved here 9 months ago. Sure, I have eaten my way through all the surrounding towns out of my love and romance with food. But the language barrier and the difficulty in learning Japanese has stalled my projected process of diving into this culture more. The culture here is literally like being on another planet. The differences between the Western and Asian cultures are so vast and so, so, so different I think most people (even ME) have pretty much steered away from one another while mingling together over here.

But the motion of humanity is smarter than that. The internal drive I have, lets call it gut, primal instinct....or let's compare it to the way grass still eventually grows through pavement or budding after a massive forest fire, or sea turtles find their way in the dark of night to their mothers somewhere in the vast, black foreign ocean....intuition, nature and our soul's drive toward the light; FIND A WAY. Lately (like, this past week), I have met a bi-lingual Japanese Reiki practitioner and healer, just by accident (turns out they are way harder to find here in Japan than in the US these days). And my husband (like, this past week) met a man, who is in town from Hawaii for work within my husband's field, who he escorted for 2 days. Within these two days he found out that this man is good friends with the famous authors (who are brothers) and doctors who wrote the book The Okinawa Program.

I have so much more exciting news and pearls of wisdom to share with you about the eternal process of being in a great state of learning and living at our optimal best, but I will leave you with this quote from my Okinawa Program Book book to sum up what more future posting on this matter will cover. This excerpt represents and summarizes EVERYTHING magical that I am currently addressing and working on from weight loss, to anger management, to finding HUGE amounts of happiness, success and peace, to children's behavioral issues and parenting, to money struggles and more, the secret to life:

'CHAPTER SEVEN

HEALING SPIRITS

Isha-hanbun, Yuta-hanbun.

One should rely half on the doctor and half on the shaman.

Okinawan saying

In Okinawa we often hear the expression "Isha-hanbun, Yuta-hanbun." It literally translates to "half doctor, half shaman," and is commonly used to refer to the necessity of consulting both a shaman (yuta) and a modern physician (isha) in order to fully comprehend an affliction. Many Okinawans believe that while the medical doctor, with his powerful repertoire of modern drugs and technology, is essential for the treatment of physical symptoms, the shaman is also needed to address the spiritual imbalance that is often the root cause of illness.'

~from

The Okinawa Program

features the 4-week turnaround plan

by, Bradly J. Willcox, M.D., D. Craig Willcox, Ph.D. & Makoto Suzuki, M.D.

FOREWARD BY Andrew Weil, M.D.

Stayed tuned y'all, life is unfolding within all it's glory, we just need not miss it and pay close attention!

Peace, Love and Kismet,

Becs